They Said What???

Happy June everybody! And by everybody I mean the three friends and family members who are currently my "followers" here at the "Baby Steps" blog. Hmmm...I really do need to figure out how to market this blog so people can find me easier. And by "easier" I really mean "at all", because right now I think I'm pretty invisible to the rest of the world. I discovered the other day that even if I type the exact name of my blog into Google, my blog does not appear in the results list. And that is a bit problematic if I am trying to turn blogging into a lucrative career. Generally to make money off your work, you need to have people actually read your work and if they can't find your work, they probably won't read it. Funny how that works.

Anyway, I went way off topic there for a minute but now I am back. Today's post is going to be about people's reactions to my telling them that I am planning to adopt a child through foster care. Yes, I started telling people this because I am tired of keeping the secret all to myself and also, I felt like maybe this was a little less controversial a subject than telling people that I plan to conceive a child on my own.

That may be true but I've certainly had an interesting array of responses from people, some good, some not so good. The most interesting (and by interesting I mean obnoxious) response came indirectly via my neighbor and friend, Lynne. She had a little pillowtalk going on with the guy she's dating I guess and so she told him my plan one evening when they were chatting. According to Lynne, her male friend was not exactly supportive of my decision and told her so in very plain terms. His response to her comment was, "tell her not to do that. Jax is a pretty girl and I'm sure she can get herself a husband. No guy's going to want her if she's got a kid. Tell her to go get a husband instead." Wow. Tell me how you really feel, buddy.

So yes, this guy, who's pushing 50 years old and has never had a long-term relationship thinks that I will take advice from him? I certainly hope not. But yeah, still a pretty mean thing to say, although in his defense, he probably didn't realize that Lynne would be telling me what he said, verbatim. Lynne does actually need to learn how to sugarcoat her words as she tends to get herself into trouble with what she says sometimes, but that's a different topic for an entirely different day. Regardless though. Keep those thoughts to yourself, buddy. Thanks.

Another reaction came from a long-time friend who is going through a big transition in life herself so we've had many a long conversation about life and what our next steps should be. She's recently married, planning to relocate to her husband's city (many many miles away) and very worried about the Future and the Great Unknown out there, which is far away from her home, her family and all the security she has in life. She's a bit freaked out about all the change going on in her life, to say the least.

Anyway, that said, I told her about all the fertility issues I went through and how I needed to change course at this point, blah blah blah. She's only a few years younger than I am and I told her everything I was dealing with because I wanted her to be forewarned. I would have LOVED it if someone were this blunt with me when I was 39 because maybe I wouldn't be in the place I'm in if they were. Sadly, that wasn't meant to be though and so I just do what I can for others now.

After I told her all about my recent rollercoaster ride, her response to me was, "maybe it's good that all this happened, Jax. Because now maybe you could instead focus just on helping other people have babies and not worry so much about you having a child yourself".

Um really?? So what she was saying was, "don't try to have a kid yourself...just help other people have kids." Oh yes, now that's what I call fulfilling!

I of course told her that was not going to happen and after she realized what she had said and how it had come out, she did apologize and took her words back. She does think foster care adoption is an admirable decision and so I think she just spoke in the moment without thinking about what she was saying before she said it. And she apologized, I accepted her apology and that was that. It was kind of hurtful in the moment but what am I going to do?

Moving on, I am seeing my friend from high school later today, the one who hasn't been all that supportive of my choice in the past and who I decided not to confide in any further. However I did tell her I take a class on Tuesday nights and she of course asked me, what class am I taking. I wasn't in the mood to tell her on the phone that I am taking a parenting class through the state's Department of Children and Services so I just told her at the time, "long story" and left it at that. But I'm sure she's going to ask again when I see her and this time I will have to spill the beans. I'm not really interested in hearing anybody else's reaction anymore though so I don't know, perhaps I'll kind of brush it off so I don't have to hear, "why would you want to do that???" again. I don't know. We'll see.

So that said, I do have class tonight and maybe I'll ask the other people if they are getting weird reactions from people they tell their plans to, as well. I think it's definitely different for me as I'm single and a 40-year-old single woman is still a freak of nature to many people. And so add an adopted kid into the mix and people really have no idea how to react. But I would like to hear other people's thoughts too so I will ask. So stay tuned for their responses. I will let you know as soon as I know myself.