Goal Review

It's funny but when I started this blog, I thought I had my life kind of planned out. I was going to pursue motherhood as the number 1 goal in my life and write a blog about all the steps I would take along the way. I was going to continue with the IUI treatments for as long as I felt comfortable doing so and in the meantime, start the adoption process via the state's foster care system. Seems all well thought out and like a great plan right?

Well so a week after I leave my job, I receive the first email from Ted, the blast from my past boyfriend from my senior year in college. Although incredibly unexpected, that didn't change my plans of course because what's an email? Just a "hello" from someone I hadn't heard from in many many years.

But then that email turned into many more emails. And those emails turned into phone calls, which turned into a visit which turned into another planned visit. I will fly down to see Ted on Thursday in just three short days and we'll spend four days together. I figure that will be enough time to see if this relationship has any legs to it and we'll decide what the future holds for us, if anything, at that point. If Ted and I decide this weekend that we want to move forward with a relationship, this could change a few things.

I've already decided that while I'm considering a relationship with Ted, that I'm going to put the IUI treatments on hold for now. It's just too much for the beginning of a relationship and I really don't want to sabotage anything. It's a tough decision because I know that I don't have a ton of time left to get pregnant (if I can even still get pregnant) but I just don't think I could have that big a secret from him right now. It's just too much too soon. So i made the decision to put the IUI's on hold.

I am still attending the foster parent training classes but since the adoption process is so long and drawn out, i really feel like that I can continue with this option without it impacting my relationship, at this point. I have the benefit of time with this option and I definitely will take full advantage of it. I have three classes left, then move onto the home study, which will take a few months. And only after that will I begin to look at kids that I could adopt. That said, I've got until October before I have to make any sort of decisions on which way my life will go and hopefully I will know what the relationship holds for me by then. I'm really sure that it will all become quite clear by then so I'm not worried.

I did decide that I'm going to hold off on telling Ted what I'm looking into, just because I don't think it's necessary to scare the bejeezus out of the guy at this stage of the relationship. Nothing's been set in stone and since I'm putting the IUIs on hold, there is absolutely no urgency, so why freak him out???

I'm not exactly thrilled about keeping this information from Ted, since it's such a huge part of my life. But at the same time, I have to weigh my desire for total truth with what I think he could handle. And I'm not sure this is a bombshell topic that should be discussed just yet. I'd rather hold a few cards close to my chest right now than risk him running away for good. So yeah, mum's the word on becoming a mum. For now at least.

I will say I feel like having multiple options makes me feel a bit less stressed in the sense that I've got a back-up plan, regardless of what happens. I would love for the relationship with Ted to work out and that we get married, have babies and live happily ever after. But if that's not in the cards for whatever reason, at least I know that I'm still pursuing goals that are near and dear to my heart. I am not putting all my eggs (so to speak) in one basket with Ted and that does ease the pressure a bit.

Hopefully everything works out perfectly for me this year because after all, that's what we all want. Regardless, it's going to be quite a wild ride what with all the insane change I've got going on in my life right now. Should be an interesting year to say the least.