Back to Reality

It's Monday, the sun has finally made an appearance after hiding behind many rain clouds for many days and I'm feeling more grounded than I did last week. I will definitely say that I was productive today: I did a volunteer project downtown (I taught English to African refugees), caught up with some friends and even set up a third interview for a new job. So, not a bad day at all. Not a bad day, indeed.

I was feeling all out of sorts last week because my visit with Ted went so well and after he left I started FREAKING OUT because after all, that's what girls do who don't know what the future of a relationship holds. Or at least that's what this girl does. So I did.

It's been such a LONG time since I had a great weekend with a guy...so long. And it was a little overwhelming (okay, a lot). I think I was living off adrenalin for the entire time he was here so once he left, I was like, okay now what do I do???

Not only did I feel a little lost but I was also wound up with thoughts like, Are we a couple? Does he like me? What's he thinking? When am I going to see him again? Am I going to see him again? Are we going to get married and have babies together??? You get the general drift. Anyway, all those thoughts really drove me totally batty last week and it was tough! I couldn't concentrate, my sleep was all messed up and my emotions were flying all over the place. Seriously, it was tough.

Thankfully my emotions have settled down this week and I'm able to function like a normal person again. The adrenalin has subsided and I've had a few really good conversations with Ted so I actually do know what he's thinking now. I like what he's thinking, now at least.

He was apparently freaking out last week and jumping WAY ahead. He wondered how we'd be able to live together with him living on a small boat in DC and working in Virginia, about 500 miles away from me. He said we really have a few things to figure out here if I am going to be moving in with him.

I was like, yikes! We spent a total of 36 hours together in the last 20 years and you're already discussing who's going to live where with who? Really??? No! Too soon!

I suggested to him that it might be a good idea to calm down about us moving in with each other and I suggested we spend a little more time together before we start making plans for the long-term future just yet.

(Meanwhile, who knew that Jax could be the voice of reason? Yeah, he really must have gone off the deep end if I am actually the voice of reason! I'm the person that would get married next week if given the right opportunity and a nice ring. But just don't tell Ted I said that).

Anyway, whatever I said must have resonated with Ted because he did indeed calm down and took it all a step backwards. What a relief. I just don't know if I could deal with his freaked out emotions on top of my frazzled nerves. A girl can only handle so much, you know?

So now we have plans to get together for the long holiday 4th of July weekend. This should be a real test of how well we get along, as it's going to be the most time we've spent together in a really long time. I actually feel pretty confident about it all but who knows. Life has thrown more than one crazy curve ball at me in the past so you jut never know for sure. I will say that I'm cautiously optimistic though.

I fly down to DC on July 1st and I'll stay down there until July 5th so this will be four completely uninterrupted days together. (Okay, well actually three uninterrupted days plus one day where he's got to work during the day but you get the idea.)

We've been emailing and texting a lot the last couple of days too so it's definitely been fun. He's funny and cute and smart and sigh...yeah I'm a smitten kitten. I think we'll have a lot of fun and I can't wait for that long holiday weekend to get here.

The only thing that makes me nervous is that I am still pursuing my own goals of having a child and I have no idea what he feels about that prospect. He told me today that he's buying a bigger boat, presumably because his current boat won't really hold the both of us for longer than a weekend, but honestly, I really don't want to be living on a boat, kids ro not. At least not a boat that he's buying. Let's just say Ted sent me the link to the ad for the boat he likes and it costs the same amount of money as my 2005 Toyota RAV-4 that I just bought used. I can't imagine living in my car but I'm not sure his boat is that much of an upgrade.

Not to mention, I just don't want to live on a boat! I have worked hard to save the money to buy a condo and then buy it and decorate and maintain everything. I love being a home owner and I don't want to give all that up to live on someone's random boat.

Hmmm...okay so maybe here I am going off the deep end and getting ahead of myself. He hasn't said that he wants me to live on his boat with him and who's to say that this boat can't be sold when we're ready to settle down. It's all still early days so I should probably take my own advice and calm down.

I do think that it's probably time to get out in the open that I'm making every effort to become a mom though. I certainly can't lie to him if he asks what kind of class I'm taking on Tuesday nights and I don't want to trap him into anything without his knowledge and consent either. So yes, time to clear the air here. I guess that conversation will happen when I get down to DC. Scary but hopefully he and I will be on similar paths. I really do like Ted and I'd like to make a future happen. Wish me luck, that's all I can say.