The Foster Adoption Path

Okay, so it seems I may be ready to perhaps start coming to terms with the fact that my fertility is not exactly what it used to be. Which is to say I think it's just about gone. As much as I'd love to have a child biologically, I'm not sure that it's really possible at this point. Sad but true and maybe it's just time I saw the truth.

So this week I took another step away from biological conception and closer to the foster adoption path: I attended my first foster adoption parenting class through my state. Oh yes, one class down...seven to go.

This class is designed to help those of us blessed enough to come from somewhat "normal" backgrounds understand and deal with the issues children from the foster system may have. These kids have all suffered some form of neglect and/or abuse and obviously, that's pain that's going to stick with you. I can't even imagine what they've had to go through and at such a young age too. It just saddens me, really.

The first class really could have been called "Social Work 101" as we went over the reasons a child is placed into foster care, the feelings that these kids most likely have and the behaviors they exhibit. The social workers mentioned a few cases that they've seen over the years and I will say by the end of the evening, we were all pretty depressed. Thank goodness they served us pizza because we needed one bright spot to the night!

I can't really talk too much about the class as it needs to remain confidential, for obvious reasons. What I can say though is that I left the classroom feeling good about my decision to adopt through the foster care system. I really want to give soe children the unconditional love they deserve, not to mention just a better, safer home. I know I can do that (admittedly, with the backgrounds these poor kids have, the bar is set pretty low but I intend to raise it dramatically).

I say "children" instead of "child" because I think I've made the decision, finances willing, to adopt at least two siblings. That's because honestly at this point, I want an instant family and might as well get it all done at once. Plus I think it would be easier to adopt a baby or toddler if there was an older sibling included in the package and I really do still want a baby.

I told this to a good friend of mine today who adopted her little girl through foster care and she thought it was a great idea. That made me feel pretty awesome because I consider her an expert on this process, since she successfully nagivated the rough foster adoption waters herself.

I appreciate that she understands my need for the "instant family". Now two years after adopting her little "princess", she's looking into going through the process again so her daughter can have a little brother or sister but it's time consuming.You really do have to go through the entire process all over again. There are parenting classes and home studies and safety assessments and social worker visits, etc. etc. I personally would like to avoid all that duplicated work and just get it out of the way once and for all. Plus, like I said, I'd really just like a family pronto. I'm not getting any younger, you know?

The only wild card in all of this is finances. I'm not exactly rolling in money and right now I am unemployed. I'm getting paid for the next year from my old job but frankly, I was underpaid and I live in a pretty expensive city. I just bought a new car and have owned my condo for only six months, so my savings has really taken a hit in the last year as well. I just don't know how I could afford multiple kids right now.

That said, I do know that I can and will get another job at some point, hopefully not too far into the future. And I know that I will only accept a job if it pays the market rate and in my industry, that's not too shabby. So there are definitely things I can do to improve my finances. And who knows? Maybe I'll actually date a guy who'd like to share this dream with me. That would offset my costs by half, leaving me with a savings safety cushion, if I should ever need it (romantic sounding, isn't it???)

Plus, this isn't all going to happen tomorrow. I've got to get through the classes and the home study and I won't be able to even begin looking for children until the fall. That's a full four months away. And a lot can happen between now and four months away.

So the way I look at it, I'm going to set the goal that I am going to become a mom to two siblings, one a baby or toddler and the other a few years older. That way the Universe can help me gain the resources I need to make that goal a reality. So there it is. Let me know what you think, Universe. How are we going to make this happen?