And He's Back

Sorry to be out of touch for so long but I just started my new job this week and I have been pretty worn out after work and really not all that interested in typing on yet another computer. Hopefully I can find my groove next week though and get back on track with postings here. Fingers are crossed so do stay tuned!

I did want to give you the update on Ted, aka my "Mr. Big" who makes my heart sing or cry, depending upon the day. I will say that I've got good news...Ted's back! In fact, he so back that I heard from him four times yesterday. So yeah, I'm feeling a lot better about things with him now.

Last time I checked in, I hadn't heard from him in six days but then later that morning, I did get a "hey, what's up" email, which didn't say anything about anything, just that he'd been "busy". I was like, um what? Busy? Doing what?? Why haven't I heard from you in almost a week??? Needless to say, I was hurt and angry so of course, I didn't respond right away. I wanted him to see what it felt like to have to wait. Grrr.

When I wrote back the next day, I told him I wasn't sure about this relationship because I don't want to be dating a guy who only pops out an email every six days and doesn't want to see me but every few months. I asked him what he thought.

So Ted wrote back saying he was sad but relieved because he wasn't sure he could pull off a long-distance relationship. He did want to see me again because he sees me as someone special (and hopefully not in the short bus sort of way) but that he really wants someone local that he can do things with.

Okay, so that felt like a punch in the stomach. I really thought he'd come back with how sorry he was for disappearing, how much he cares about me and how he's going to try to be better. But he didn't and I was really sad.

So I decided to send out what I like to call the "Hail Mary" email. This was an "I've got nothing left to lose so might as well give it all" message where I just told him just about everything I was thinking:

Dear "Ted",

I'm glad we were able to clear the air here a bit. I've been struggling with the whole long-distance aspect of everything as well and was thinking well, I'll give this a shot but if it all works out, someone will have to move. That was a tugh thought since I'm very settled here.

I will say I wasn't averse to moving back to DC but of course wouldn't be able to do it anytime soon as I am starting a new job here in Boston on Monday. I was thinking we'll see each other once a month or so for the next six months, see how things go and make some sort of a decision after that. I was happy that flights were cheaper than I thought they would be and that kept me going.

It was all easy enough when I heard from you a lot and I felt with the calls, emails and texts that you were always right there with me. It was nice.

But then they stopped. And I didn't understand why. I couldn't figure out what I had said or done to make you disappear and so I was very confused. And sad. I liked talking to you. You brightened my day. And I missed you. A lot. So yeah that's where the sad part comes in. I didn't want to put any pressure on you so I just didn't say anything. And I waited.

And finally you sent me an email saying you were sorry that you had been busy with work and I was like WTF? You'd always managed to call or email or text me around work so that just confused me more.

Anyway, long story short, I like you too but am not planning to move anywhere anytime soon. I am open to talking about things changing down the road but frankly if I'm to uproot my entire life for a guy, there's got to be a serious commitment involved. I know you aren't ready for anything like that so I am not suggesting anything like that now. I am just saying what my conditions would be for relocating.

If you are adamant about being with someone nearby right NOW, there's not a lot I can do about that. If you're willing to give things a shot, well, we could obviously talk. And talk plainly and openly so there is no confusion and no miscommunications. I don't like miscommunications. They kind of suck.

Honestly if we were to see each other again it would have to be before Sept 17. But if that's not in the cards then you probably shouldn't come up then. That would just be too painful for me. I really do like you Tim. A lot actually.

Anyway, ball's in your court. Let me know what you decide.

"Jax"

I really thought when I wrote that email that Ted was going to turn 7 shades of purple, freak out and disappear forever. But he didn't In fact, it had the exact opposite effect. Instead of disappearing, Ted's been calling me every single day, texting, writing on my FAcebook page and last night he even called to serenade me. Okay, it was 1 in the morning and he was drunk as a skunk but it was still cute.

We haven't had any serious talks yet about what the hell happened and we have not yet planned our next get-together but I'm backing off on any pressure, perceied or otherwise, so this issue doesn't happen again. I just started a brand new job so the last thing I need is more drama, ya know?

Ted did tell me last night post-serenade that he really misses me and I believe him. I think that missing me will turn into him seeing me soon. It's just a matter of getting him to book a damn flight. Yes, he lives 450 miles away from me but there are lots of shuttles between his town and mine and the prices are fairly reasonable so he should be able to take a weekend up here pretty easily. It's just a matter of him doing it. Ted's not a planner but if he's going to continue liking me, he's gonna have to see me and that means, yes, planning something. He's a big boy. He'll be just fine.

So that's my Ted update which actually is pretty good and for that I'm so incredibly relieved. Let's hope the next Ted update is equally uplifting shall we? I am hoping that the next time I write about Ted it's to say he's coming to see me. So yeah, fingers crossed there.