I know that the 1.5 people reading my blog have probably noticed that the number of blog posts each week have dropped dramatically and I wish I could say I'm sorry. But in all honesty if I don't really have much to say, why waste your time with a blog update right? That's right...I am just looking out for you, dear reader!
I really still don't have much to say other than there's not a lot going on right now. It's just a quiet week I guess. I can offer updates on the topics you're sitting on the edge of the seat though so here here goes:
1. Foster Adoption Progress: I have graduated from my foster adoption classes and now I'm just working on my home study. I did complete a first draft of the document, which is something like 30 pages at this point. I went and got fingerprinted at the local DSS office yesterday morning and tomorrow afternoon I have a meeting with my social worker. So the process is moving forward, albeit slowly, but it is moving.
2. The Job: I got a new job! I start my new gig next Wednesday July 29th and I'm both excited and sad at the same time. I think this will be a great opportunity and a good fit for my experience, skills and personality. I also think it would be good for me to get back to work so I'm not sitting at home by myself quite so much. As much as I am trying to keep myself busy these days, there are still quite a few hours where I sit at home by myself (like right now!) and sometimes these four walls feel like they're closing in on me. Thank goodness it's summertime so I can at least go outside and take a walk when I need to get away. I spent 3 hours yesterday evening working on my Home Study and afterwards took a 1-hour walk from 8:30 to 9:30 pm just because I couldn't sit here by myself anymore. I never could do that if this were January. So for that reason I am very lucky I'm unemployed in July.
3. And last but not least...Ted: I wish I actually had a real update about Ted but unfortunately, he's the one I've got the least to say about. Ted called me last Friday and told me not to come visit him this coming weekend since he was going out of town with friends. But then he said he'd like to come visit me September 17th because I've got the family summer house then. I wasn't happy about that but thought I'd wait it out and see if he decided he'd want to see me sooner.
Well guess what? I haven't heard from him since! It's now Thursday and since I started conversing with Ted last April, we haven't gone this long without emailing, texting or talking so something really really really is up. Not good.
I was actually pretty upset about it all earlier this week but now that it's Thursday, I'm handling it better I guess. Honestly, at this point I just want to know what's going on as the waiting and wondering is really HARD. I figure it's one of two things: (1) Ted freaked out and just ran away or (2) he's met someone else and doesn't know how to tell me.
This may sound naive but I really don't think it's number 2. I noticed he pulled away as soon as we got back from our vacation earlier this month and I doubt he had the chance to meet someone new that quickly. I really do think it's number 1.
So that said, I'm giving Ted all the space he apparently craves and I'm sure that at some point he will get back in touch. If for no other reason, I think the guilt will eventually get to him. And I'd like to think that at least some of the things about missing me were true so hopefully he's missing me right now. So I'm just going to let him miss me and expect that he will get in touch eventually and at least tell me what's going on with him.
Part of me thinks this all SUCKS hard and I really do miss what I thought we had but the other part of me is thinking that maybe this was a good thing to happen now, if it had to happen at all. It's very early days and although I'm really sad, I'm not as sad as I would be if I had a lot more energy and time invested in this relationship. If this is the guy he really is, then maybe it's best I find this out sooner rather than later. It's really disappointing as I had greater hopes for him but oh well...what can you do? It is what it is.
Another reason this is good that it is happening now is that if Ted was nothing more than a distraction for me, then it's good to get him out of the way before I let him interfere with my goal of becoming a mom. What if I had started to fall for him? Would I question my goal? Since he lives in a different state, I would have to at least consider relocating and if that were the case, I'd have to give up my goal of becoming an adoptive parent in my own state. I've put a great deal of work into this goal of mine and if Ted's not going to honor my soul's desire then best that he's gone sooner rather than later, I guess.
It does really suck though and I was hoping for a better outcome for us. I guess it could still happen of course if Ted decides to suck it up and deal with his issues. But right now it's not looking so great unfortunately. I guess time will tell on this one. But for now...I wait. And I really hate waiting. Ugh
Showing posts with label foster adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label foster adoption. Show all posts
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
The Foster Adoption Path
Okay, so it seems I may be ready to perhaps start coming to terms with the fact that my fertility is not exactly what it used to be. Which is to say I think it's just about gone. As much as I'd love to have a child biologically, I'm not sure that it's really possible at this point. Sad but true and maybe it's just time I saw the truth.
So this week I took another step away from biological conception and closer to the foster adoption path: I attended my first foster adoption parenting class through my state. Oh yes, one class down...seven to go.
This class is designed to help those of us blessed enough to come from somewhat "normal" backgrounds understand and deal with the issues children from the foster system may have. These kids have all suffered some form of neglect and/or abuse and obviously, that's pain that's going to stick with you. I can't even imagine what they've had to go through and at such a young age too. It just saddens me, really.
The first class really could have been called "Social Work 101" as we went over the reasons a child is placed into foster care, the feelings that these kids most likely have and the behaviors they exhibit. The social workers mentioned a few cases that they've seen over the years and I will say by the end of the evening, we were all pretty depressed. Thank goodness they served us pizza because we needed one bright spot to the night!
I can't really talk too much about the class as it needs to remain confidential, for obvious reasons. What I can say though is that I left the classroom feeling good about my decision to adopt through the foster care system. I really want to give soe children the unconditional love they deserve, not to mention just a better, safer home. I know I can do that (admittedly, with the backgrounds these poor kids have, the bar is set pretty low but I intend to raise it dramatically).
I say "children" instead of "child" because I think I've made the decision, finances willing, to adopt at least two siblings. That's because honestly at this point, I want an instant family and might as well get it all done at once. Plus I think it would be easier to adopt a baby or toddler if there was an older sibling included in the package and I really do still want a baby.
I told this to a good friend of mine today who adopted her little girl through foster care and she thought it was a great idea. That made me feel pretty awesome because I consider her an expert on this process, since she successfully nagivated the rough foster adoption waters herself.
I appreciate that she understands my need for the "instant family". Now two years after adopting her little "princess", she's looking into going through the process again so her daughter can have a little brother or sister but it's time consuming.You really do have to go through the entire process all over again. There are parenting classes and home studies and safety assessments and social worker visits, etc. etc. I personally would like to avoid all that duplicated work and just get it out of the way once and for all. Plus, like I said, I'd really just like a family pronto. I'm not getting any younger, you know?
The only wild card in all of this is finances. I'm not exactly rolling in money and right now I am unemployed. I'm getting paid for the next year from my old job but frankly, I was underpaid and I live in a pretty expensive city. I just bought a new car and have owned my condo for only six months, so my savings has really taken a hit in the last year as well. I just don't know how I could afford multiple kids right now.
That said, I do know that I can and will get another job at some point, hopefully not too far into the future. And I know that I will only accept a job if it pays the market rate and in my industry, that's not too shabby. So there are definitely things I can do to improve my finances. And who knows? Maybe I'll actually date a guy who'd like to share this dream with me. That would offset my costs by half, leaving me with a savings safety cushion, if I should ever need it (romantic sounding, isn't it???)
Plus, this isn't all going to happen tomorrow. I've got to get through the classes and the home study and I won't be able to even begin looking for children until the fall. That's a full four months away. And a lot can happen between now and four months away.
So the way I look at it, I'm going to set the goal that I am going to become a mom to two siblings, one a baby or toddler and the other a few years older. That way the Universe can help me gain the resources I need to make that goal a reality. So there it is. Let me know what you think, Universe. How are we going to make this happen?
So this week I took another step away from biological conception and closer to the foster adoption path: I attended my first foster adoption parenting class through my state. Oh yes, one class down...seven to go.
This class is designed to help those of us blessed enough to come from somewhat "normal" backgrounds understand and deal with the issues children from the foster system may have. These kids have all suffered some form of neglect and/or abuse and obviously, that's pain that's going to stick with you. I can't even imagine what they've had to go through and at such a young age too. It just saddens me, really.
The first class really could have been called "Social Work 101" as we went over the reasons a child is placed into foster care, the feelings that these kids most likely have and the behaviors they exhibit. The social workers mentioned a few cases that they've seen over the years and I will say by the end of the evening, we were all pretty depressed. Thank goodness they served us pizza because we needed one bright spot to the night!
I can't really talk too much about the class as it needs to remain confidential, for obvious reasons. What I can say though is that I left the classroom feeling good about my decision to adopt through the foster care system. I really want to give soe children the unconditional love they deserve, not to mention just a better, safer home. I know I can do that (admittedly, with the backgrounds these poor kids have, the bar is set pretty low but I intend to raise it dramatically).
I say "children" instead of "child" because I think I've made the decision, finances willing, to adopt at least two siblings. That's because honestly at this point, I want an instant family and might as well get it all done at once. Plus I think it would be easier to adopt a baby or toddler if there was an older sibling included in the package and I really do still want a baby.
I told this to a good friend of mine today who adopted her little girl through foster care and she thought it was a great idea. That made me feel pretty awesome because I consider her an expert on this process, since she successfully nagivated the rough foster adoption waters herself.
I appreciate that she understands my need for the "instant family". Now two years after adopting her little "princess", she's looking into going through the process again so her daughter can have a little brother or sister but it's time consuming.You really do have to go through the entire process all over again. There are parenting classes and home studies and safety assessments and social worker visits, etc. etc. I personally would like to avoid all that duplicated work and just get it out of the way once and for all. Plus, like I said, I'd really just like a family pronto. I'm not getting any younger, you know?
The only wild card in all of this is finances. I'm not exactly rolling in money and right now I am unemployed. I'm getting paid for the next year from my old job but frankly, I was underpaid and I live in a pretty expensive city. I just bought a new car and have owned my condo for only six months, so my savings has really taken a hit in the last year as well. I just don't know how I could afford multiple kids right now.
That said, I do know that I can and will get another job at some point, hopefully not too far into the future. And I know that I will only accept a job if it pays the market rate and in my industry, that's not too shabby. So there are definitely things I can do to improve my finances. And who knows? Maybe I'll actually date a guy who'd like to share this dream with me. That would offset my costs by half, leaving me with a savings safety cushion, if I should ever need it (romantic sounding, isn't it???)
Plus, this isn't all going to happen tomorrow. I've got to get through the classes and the home study and I won't be able to even begin looking for children until the fall. That's a full four months away. And a lot can happen between now and four months away.
So the way I look at it, I'm going to set the goal that I am going to become a mom to two siblings, one a baby or toddler and the other a few years older. That way the Universe can help me gain the resources I need to make that goal a reality. So there it is. Let me know what you think, Universe. How are we going to make this happen?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)