Sorry to be out of touch for so long but I just started my new job this week and I have been pretty worn out after work and really not all that interested in typing on yet another computer. Hopefully I can find my groove next week though and get back on track with postings here. Fingers are crossed so do stay tuned!
I did want to give you the update on Ted, aka my "Mr. Big" who makes my heart sing or cry, depending upon the day. I will say that I've got good news...Ted's back! In fact, he so back that I heard from him four times yesterday. So yeah, I'm feeling a lot better about things with him now.
Last time I checked in, I hadn't heard from him in six days but then later that morning, I did get a "hey, what's up" email, which didn't say anything about anything, just that he'd been "busy". I was like, um what? Busy? Doing what?? Why haven't I heard from you in almost a week??? Needless to say, I was hurt and angry so of course, I didn't respond right away. I wanted him to see what it felt like to have to wait. Grrr.
When I wrote back the next day, I told him I wasn't sure about this relationship because I don't want to be dating a guy who only pops out an email every six days and doesn't want to see me but every few months. I asked him what he thought.
So Ted wrote back saying he was sad but relieved because he wasn't sure he could pull off a long-distance relationship. He did want to see me again because he sees me as someone special (and hopefully not in the short bus sort of way) but that he really wants someone local that he can do things with.
Okay, so that felt like a punch in the stomach. I really thought he'd come back with how sorry he was for disappearing, how much he cares about me and how he's going to try to be better. But he didn't and I was really sad.
So I decided to send out what I like to call the "Hail Mary" email. This was an "I've got nothing left to lose so might as well give it all" message where I just told him just about everything I was thinking:
Dear "Ted",
I'm glad we were able to clear the air here a bit. I've been struggling with the whole long-distance aspect of everything as well and was thinking well, I'll give this a shot but if it all works out, someone will have to move. That was a tugh thought since I'm very settled here.
I will say I wasn't averse to moving back to DC but of course wouldn't be able to do it anytime soon as I am starting a new job here in Boston on Monday. I was thinking we'll see each other once a month or so for the next six months, see how things go and make some sort of a decision after that. I was happy that flights were cheaper than I thought they would be and that kept me going.
It was all easy enough when I heard from you a lot and I felt with the calls, emails and texts that you were always right there with me. It was nice.
But then they stopped. And I didn't understand why. I couldn't figure out what I had said or done to make you disappear and so I was very confused. And sad. I liked talking to you. You brightened my day. And I missed you. A lot. So yeah that's where the sad part comes in. I didn't want to put any pressure on you so I just didn't say anything. And I waited.
And finally you sent me an email saying you were sorry that you had been busy with work and I was like WTF? You'd always managed to call or email or text me around work so that just confused me more.
Anyway, long story short, I like you too but am not planning to move anywhere anytime soon. I am open to talking about things changing down the road but frankly if I'm to uproot my entire life for a guy, there's got to be a serious commitment involved. I know you aren't ready for anything like that so I am not suggesting anything like that now. I am just saying what my conditions would be for relocating.
If you are adamant about being with someone nearby right NOW, there's not a lot I can do about that. If you're willing to give things a shot, well, we could obviously talk. And talk plainly and openly so there is no confusion and no miscommunications. I don't like miscommunications. They kind of suck.
Honestly if we were to see each other again it would have to be before Sept 17. But if that's not in the cards then you probably shouldn't come up then. That would just be too painful for me. I really do like you Tim. A lot actually.
Anyway, ball's in your court. Let me know what you decide.
"Jax"
I really thought when I wrote that email that Ted was going to turn 7 shades of purple, freak out and disappear forever. But he didn't In fact, it had the exact opposite effect. Instead of disappearing, Ted's been calling me every single day, texting, writing on my FAcebook page and last night he even called to serenade me. Okay, it was 1 in the morning and he was drunk as a skunk but it was still cute.
We haven't had any serious talks yet about what the hell happened and we have not yet planned our next get-together but I'm backing off on any pressure, perceied or otherwise, so this issue doesn't happen again. I just started a brand new job so the last thing I need is more drama, ya know?
Ted did tell me last night post-serenade that he really misses me and I believe him. I think that missing me will turn into him seeing me soon. It's just a matter of getting him to book a damn flight. Yes, he lives 450 miles away from me but there are lots of shuttles between his town and mine and the prices are fairly reasonable so he should be able to take a weekend up here pretty easily. It's just a matter of him doing it. Ted's not a planner but if he's going to continue liking me, he's gonna have to see me and that means, yes, planning something. He's a big boy. He'll be just fine.
So that's my Ted update which actually is pretty good and for that I'm so incredibly relieved. Let's hope the next Ted update is equally uplifting shall we? I am hoping that the next time I write about Ted it's to say he's coming to see me. So yeah, fingers crossed there.
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Hurry up and Wait
I know that the 1.5 people reading my blog have probably noticed that the number of blog posts each week have dropped dramatically and I wish I could say I'm sorry. But in all honesty if I don't really have much to say, why waste your time with a blog update right? That's right...I am just looking out for you, dear reader!
I really still don't have much to say other than there's not a lot going on right now. It's just a quiet week I guess. I can offer updates on the topics you're sitting on the edge of the seat though so here here goes:
1. Foster Adoption Progress: I have graduated from my foster adoption classes and now I'm just working on my home study. I did complete a first draft of the document, which is something like 30 pages at this point. I went and got fingerprinted at the local DSS office yesterday morning and tomorrow afternoon I have a meeting with my social worker. So the process is moving forward, albeit slowly, but it is moving.
2. The Job: I got a new job! I start my new gig next Wednesday July 29th and I'm both excited and sad at the same time. I think this will be a great opportunity and a good fit for my experience, skills and personality. I also think it would be good for me to get back to work so I'm not sitting at home by myself quite so much. As much as I am trying to keep myself busy these days, there are still quite a few hours where I sit at home by myself (like right now!) and sometimes these four walls feel like they're closing in on me. Thank goodness it's summertime so I can at least go outside and take a walk when I need to get away. I spent 3 hours yesterday evening working on my Home Study and afterwards took a 1-hour walk from 8:30 to 9:30 pm just because I couldn't sit here by myself anymore. I never could do that if this were January. So for that reason I am very lucky I'm unemployed in July.
3. And last but not least...Ted: I wish I actually had a real update about Ted but unfortunately, he's the one I've got the least to say about. Ted called me last Friday and told me not to come visit him this coming weekend since he was going out of town with friends. But then he said he'd like to come visit me September 17th because I've got the family summer house then. I wasn't happy about that but thought I'd wait it out and see if he decided he'd want to see me sooner.
Well guess what? I haven't heard from him since! It's now Thursday and since I started conversing with Ted last April, we haven't gone this long without emailing, texting or talking so something really really really is up. Not good.
I was actually pretty upset about it all earlier this week but now that it's Thursday, I'm handling it better I guess. Honestly, at this point I just want to know what's going on as the waiting and wondering is really HARD. I figure it's one of two things: (1) Ted freaked out and just ran away or (2) he's met someone else and doesn't know how to tell me.
This may sound naive but I really don't think it's number 2. I noticed he pulled away as soon as we got back from our vacation earlier this month and I doubt he had the chance to meet someone new that quickly. I really do think it's number 1.
So that said, I'm giving Ted all the space he apparently craves and I'm sure that at some point he will get back in touch. If for no other reason, I think the guilt will eventually get to him. And I'd like to think that at least some of the things about missing me were true so hopefully he's missing me right now. So I'm just going to let him miss me and expect that he will get in touch eventually and at least tell me what's going on with him.
Part of me thinks this all SUCKS hard and I really do miss what I thought we had but the other part of me is thinking that maybe this was a good thing to happen now, if it had to happen at all. It's very early days and although I'm really sad, I'm not as sad as I would be if I had a lot more energy and time invested in this relationship. If this is the guy he really is, then maybe it's best I find this out sooner rather than later. It's really disappointing as I had greater hopes for him but oh well...what can you do? It is what it is.
Another reason this is good that it is happening now is that if Ted was nothing more than a distraction for me, then it's good to get him out of the way before I let him interfere with my goal of becoming a mom. What if I had started to fall for him? Would I question my goal? Since he lives in a different state, I would have to at least consider relocating and if that were the case, I'd have to give up my goal of becoming an adoptive parent in my own state. I've put a great deal of work into this goal of mine and if Ted's not going to honor my soul's desire then best that he's gone sooner rather than later, I guess.
It does really suck though and I was hoping for a better outcome for us. I guess it could still happen of course if Ted decides to suck it up and deal with his issues. But right now it's not looking so great unfortunately. I guess time will tell on this one. But for now...I wait. And I really hate waiting. Ugh
I really still don't have much to say other than there's not a lot going on right now. It's just a quiet week I guess. I can offer updates on the topics you're sitting on the edge of the seat though so here here goes:
1. Foster Adoption Progress: I have graduated from my foster adoption classes and now I'm just working on my home study. I did complete a first draft of the document, which is something like 30 pages at this point. I went and got fingerprinted at the local DSS office yesterday morning and tomorrow afternoon I have a meeting with my social worker. So the process is moving forward, albeit slowly, but it is moving.
2. The Job: I got a new job! I start my new gig next Wednesday July 29th and I'm both excited and sad at the same time. I think this will be a great opportunity and a good fit for my experience, skills and personality. I also think it would be good for me to get back to work so I'm not sitting at home by myself quite so much. As much as I am trying to keep myself busy these days, there are still quite a few hours where I sit at home by myself (like right now!) and sometimes these four walls feel like they're closing in on me. Thank goodness it's summertime so I can at least go outside and take a walk when I need to get away. I spent 3 hours yesterday evening working on my Home Study and afterwards took a 1-hour walk from 8:30 to 9:30 pm just because I couldn't sit here by myself anymore. I never could do that if this were January. So for that reason I am very lucky I'm unemployed in July.
3. And last but not least...Ted: I wish I actually had a real update about Ted but unfortunately, he's the one I've got the least to say about. Ted called me last Friday and told me not to come visit him this coming weekend since he was going out of town with friends. But then he said he'd like to come visit me September 17th because I've got the family summer house then. I wasn't happy about that but thought I'd wait it out and see if he decided he'd want to see me sooner.
Well guess what? I haven't heard from him since! It's now Thursday and since I started conversing with Ted last April, we haven't gone this long without emailing, texting or talking so something really really really is up. Not good.
I was actually pretty upset about it all earlier this week but now that it's Thursday, I'm handling it better I guess. Honestly, at this point I just want to know what's going on as the waiting and wondering is really HARD. I figure it's one of two things: (1) Ted freaked out and just ran away or (2) he's met someone else and doesn't know how to tell me.
This may sound naive but I really don't think it's number 2. I noticed he pulled away as soon as we got back from our vacation earlier this month and I doubt he had the chance to meet someone new that quickly. I really do think it's number 1.
So that said, I'm giving Ted all the space he apparently craves and I'm sure that at some point he will get back in touch. If for no other reason, I think the guilt will eventually get to him. And I'd like to think that at least some of the things about missing me were true so hopefully he's missing me right now. So I'm just going to let him miss me and expect that he will get in touch eventually and at least tell me what's going on with him.
Part of me thinks this all SUCKS hard and I really do miss what I thought we had but the other part of me is thinking that maybe this was a good thing to happen now, if it had to happen at all. It's very early days and although I'm really sad, I'm not as sad as I would be if I had a lot more energy and time invested in this relationship. If this is the guy he really is, then maybe it's best I find this out sooner rather than later. It's really disappointing as I had greater hopes for him but oh well...what can you do? It is what it is.
Another reason this is good that it is happening now is that if Ted was nothing more than a distraction for me, then it's good to get him out of the way before I let him interfere with my goal of becoming a mom. What if I had started to fall for him? Would I question my goal? Since he lives in a different state, I would have to at least consider relocating and if that were the case, I'd have to give up my goal of becoming an adoptive parent in my own state. I've put a great deal of work into this goal of mine and if Ted's not going to honor my soul's desire then best that he's gone sooner rather than later, I guess.
It does really suck though and I was hoping for a better outcome for us. I guess it could still happen of course if Ted decides to suck it up and deal with his issues. But right now it's not looking so great unfortunately. I guess time will tell on this one. But for now...I wait. And I really hate waiting. Ugh
Friday, July 16, 2010
Rollercoaster of Love
Now that it's been, oh, about 10 minutes since I last provided an update on my relationship with Ted, I thought it was high time to let you know where we stand right now, July 16, 2010 at 6:17pm. You can now get off the edges of your seats. I'm here to tell all.
Well actually, there's not a whole lot of "all" to tell. I've been out of town with my family and he's been in his city 450 miles south of here, doing his usual day to day routine, which doesn't include me.
I will say that Ted's really good about calling me so I've talked to him just about every day this past week. He'll call me on his way into work every morning--which is around 7:15am--and like some old, crazy person, I'm generally up by then, even though I'm out of work and should be sleeping in and living the life of Riley. But for some reason I can't sleep past 7am so I'll end up chatting with Ted while he drives to work. It actually works nicely, so no complaints there.
Even when we don't talk, there've been plenty of emails and text messages so yeah, I hear from him a lot. I'm actually pretty happy with the amount of contact we have. Thank you multi-media world of the new millennium for helping me keep in touch with my long-distance honey!
What I don't love is that he doesn't seem to want to see me! It's been two weeks since I got back from visiting him and still, there's no plan to get together again anytime soon.
It's not for lack of effort on my part either. I told him that I was starting my new job on July 29th (oh yeah by the way...I got a new job!) and that I'd love to have one last "hurrah" visit down to DC next weekend. He said his friends had invited him to their lake house but that he thought he could bring a guest so he would ask them and I'd book my flight. Fine. Sounds good right?
That conversation occurred on Monday so when I talked to Ted on Tuesday I asked if he'd spoken to his friends. "Um...no. I'll do it tonight". Well that night came and went and he didn't speak to them. So did the next night and the night after that. So on Thursday I sent him a text message saying that I had an itinerary on hold and to let me know what his friends said so I could pull the trigger on the flight. No response.
Ted finally called me this morning to say he just found out his friends were out of town and that he didn't feel comfortable inviting me along without checking with them, blah blah blah ... but he does want to see me! I said, of course, I certainly don't expect you to invite me to someone else's house without checking with them but I thought you were going to talk to them this week.
"I'm sorry," was his response. He said saw them Tuesday but there were people all around, blah blah blah and he didn't know they would be out of town today. Yeah okay, Ted. You had the better part of a week to check with them. Whatever.
He did say that he really wants to see me (uh huh) and that he's going to book a flight to come see me in .... September! September 17th to be exact. That's the weekend that I have the family's summer house reserved so I am going to be inviting all my friends down for a big party and Ted wants to come too. So yeah, Ted would like to see me in two and a half months at my family's summer house on the Cape. Hey, I'd love a free vacation in a summer house on the Cape too so of course he wants to see me then, right?
So how do I feel about a guy who doesn't want to see me for another two months? Well obviously I don't feel like he should be a major priority in my life right now. I can't sit here and put all my energy into a relationship with a guy that right now, I may see perhaps four times a year.
Not to mention, I worry about how much Ted seems to be drinking right now. Too many of his stories start with "I'm really tired today from staying out way too late last night". On Monday morning, his conversation included the sentence, "I needed to have someone piece together the events from last night" because he'd drunk so much, he didn't even remember how the night had ended. Lovely.
In all honestly, alcoholism is not an endearing trait to me, if you must know. It runs in my family and I don't want the father of MY children throwing back several drinks and passing out every night. Been there, done that and I'm not interested. That said, I am hoping that Ted's late-night partying is just a short-term thing -- it's summer and I'm having fun sort of situation. I don't know though so I'm just going to have to keep an eye on this. Time will tell.
I like Ted, a lot, and I think he likes me too. And maybe that's part of the problem. I think he's still reeling from his divorce earlier this year and he's told me on more than one occasion that he's not ready for a new relationship. So here I am, showing him all my awesomeness and I think he got totally freaked out. And that's why he's keeping me at arm's length until September. He likes me and he wants to see me but he's dealing with his own issues. Unfortunately, I think he's dealing with his issues by drinking way too much alcohol and avoiding me right now, so I'm not sure what will happen here.
I get that but you know what? I've got MY own issues too and I'm not interested in taking his on, thank you very much. So that said, I've decided that I'm going to put Ted on his very own back burner where I'll keep in touch and look forward to seeing him in two months but I will also hold onto my emotional energy so that I can focus on the things in life that are important to ME.
What's important to me? Well, I start my new job in just a week and a half and it's important to me that I am successful. Also, I've made it through my foster parent training and now I am one step closer to becoming a mom. That's super important to me. And who knows...maybe I'll meet a guy who's here and just a little more open to a relationship right now, which would be lovely. I do like Ted but he's not offering me anything substantial so I need to continue looking out for myself. Bring on the men! Bring it.
So that's my latest and greatest update on Ted's and my relationship. Unless something changes, this may be the last update I've got on Ted so yeah, enjoy this missive for what it is and feel free to read it over and over and over again until I've got another update for you. Probably sometime in September. Yeah, believe it or not though, that will probaly be here sooner than I realize. I can't believe it's already the middle of July so it's not going to be any surprise to me that the middle of September will be here in next to no time too. Time flies when you're having fun I guess.
Well actually, there's not a whole lot of "all" to tell. I've been out of town with my family and he's been in his city 450 miles south of here, doing his usual day to day routine, which doesn't include me.
I will say that Ted's really good about calling me so I've talked to him just about every day this past week. He'll call me on his way into work every morning--which is around 7:15am--and like some old, crazy person, I'm generally up by then, even though I'm out of work and should be sleeping in and living the life of Riley. But for some reason I can't sleep past 7am so I'll end up chatting with Ted while he drives to work. It actually works nicely, so no complaints there.
Even when we don't talk, there've been plenty of emails and text messages so yeah, I hear from him a lot. I'm actually pretty happy with the amount of contact we have. Thank you multi-media world of the new millennium for helping me keep in touch with my long-distance honey!
What I don't love is that he doesn't seem to want to see me! It's been two weeks since I got back from visiting him and still, there's no plan to get together again anytime soon.
It's not for lack of effort on my part either. I told him that I was starting my new job on July 29th (oh yeah by the way...I got a new job!) and that I'd love to have one last "hurrah" visit down to DC next weekend. He said his friends had invited him to their lake house but that he thought he could bring a guest so he would ask them and I'd book my flight. Fine. Sounds good right?
That conversation occurred on Monday so when I talked to Ted on Tuesday I asked if he'd spoken to his friends. "Um...no. I'll do it tonight". Well that night came and went and he didn't speak to them. So did the next night and the night after that. So on Thursday I sent him a text message saying that I had an itinerary on hold and to let me know what his friends said so I could pull the trigger on the flight. No response.
Ted finally called me this morning to say he just found out his friends were out of town and that he didn't feel comfortable inviting me along without checking with them, blah blah blah ... but he does want to see me! I said, of course, I certainly don't expect you to invite me to someone else's house without checking with them but I thought you were going to talk to them this week.
"I'm sorry," was his response. He said saw them Tuesday but there were people all around, blah blah blah and he didn't know they would be out of town today. Yeah okay, Ted. You had the better part of a week to check with them. Whatever.
He did say that he really wants to see me (uh huh) and that he's going to book a flight to come see me in .... September! September 17th to be exact. That's the weekend that I have the family's summer house reserved so I am going to be inviting all my friends down for a big party and Ted wants to come too. So yeah, Ted would like to see me in two and a half months at my family's summer house on the Cape. Hey, I'd love a free vacation in a summer house on the Cape too so of course he wants to see me then, right?
So how do I feel about a guy who doesn't want to see me for another two months? Well obviously I don't feel like he should be a major priority in my life right now. I can't sit here and put all my energy into a relationship with a guy that right now, I may see perhaps four times a year.
Not to mention, I worry about how much Ted seems to be drinking right now. Too many of his stories start with "I'm really tired today from staying out way too late last night". On Monday morning, his conversation included the sentence, "I needed to have someone piece together the events from last night" because he'd drunk so much, he didn't even remember how the night had ended. Lovely.
In all honestly, alcoholism is not an endearing trait to me, if you must know. It runs in my family and I don't want the father of MY children throwing back several drinks and passing out every night. Been there, done that and I'm not interested. That said, I am hoping that Ted's late-night partying is just a short-term thing -- it's summer and I'm having fun sort of situation. I don't know though so I'm just going to have to keep an eye on this. Time will tell.
I like Ted, a lot, and I think he likes me too. And maybe that's part of the problem. I think he's still reeling from his divorce earlier this year and he's told me on more than one occasion that he's not ready for a new relationship. So here I am, showing him all my awesomeness and I think he got totally freaked out. And that's why he's keeping me at arm's length until September. He likes me and he wants to see me but he's dealing with his own issues. Unfortunately, I think he's dealing with his issues by drinking way too much alcohol and avoiding me right now, so I'm not sure what will happen here.
I get that but you know what? I've got MY own issues too and I'm not interested in taking his on, thank you very much. So that said, I've decided that I'm going to put Ted on his very own back burner where I'll keep in touch and look forward to seeing him in two months but I will also hold onto my emotional energy so that I can focus on the things in life that are important to ME.
What's important to me? Well, I start my new job in just a week and a half and it's important to me that I am successful. Also, I've made it through my foster parent training and now I am one step closer to becoming a mom. That's super important to me. And who knows...maybe I'll meet a guy who's here and just a little more open to a relationship right now, which would be lovely. I do like Ted but he's not offering me anything substantial so I need to continue looking out for myself. Bring on the men! Bring it.
So that's my latest and greatest update on Ted's and my relationship. Unless something changes, this may be the last update I've got on Ted so yeah, enjoy this missive for what it is and feel free to read it over and over and over again until I've got another update for you. Probably sometime in September. Yeah, believe it or not though, that will probaly be here sooner than I realize. I can't believe it's already the middle of July so it's not going to be any surprise to me that the middle of September will be here in next to no time too. Time flies when you're having fun I guess.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Goal Review
It's funny but when I started this blog, I thought I had my life kind of planned out. I was going to pursue motherhood as the number 1 goal in my life and write a blog about all the steps I would take along the way. I was going to continue with the IUI treatments for as long as I felt comfortable doing so and in the meantime, start the adoption process via the state's foster care system. Seems all well thought out and like a great plan right?
Well so a week after I leave my job, I receive the first email from Ted, the blast from my past boyfriend from my senior year in college. Although incredibly unexpected, that didn't change my plans of course because what's an email? Just a "hello" from someone I hadn't heard from in many many years.
But then that email turned into many more emails. And those emails turned into phone calls, which turned into a visit which turned into another planned visit. I will fly down to see Ted on Thursday in just three short days and we'll spend four days together. I figure that will be enough time to see if this relationship has any legs to it and we'll decide what the future holds for us, if anything, at that point. If Ted and I decide this weekend that we want to move forward with a relationship, this could change a few things.
I've already decided that while I'm considering a relationship with Ted, that I'm going to put the IUI treatments on hold for now. It's just too much for the beginning of a relationship and I really don't want to sabotage anything. It's a tough decision because I know that I don't have a ton of time left to get pregnant (if I can even still get pregnant) but I just don't think I could have that big a secret from him right now. It's just too much too soon. So i made the decision to put the IUI's on hold.
I am still attending the foster parent training classes but since the adoption process is so long and drawn out, i really feel like that I can continue with this option without it impacting my relationship, at this point. I have the benefit of time with this option and I definitely will take full advantage of it. I have three classes left, then move onto the home study, which will take a few months. And only after that will I begin to look at kids that I could adopt. That said, I've got until October before I have to make any sort of decisions on which way my life will go and hopefully I will know what the relationship holds for me by then. I'm really sure that it will all become quite clear by then so I'm not worried.
I did decide that I'm going to hold off on telling Ted what I'm looking into, just because I don't think it's necessary to scare the bejeezus out of the guy at this stage of the relationship. Nothing's been set in stone and since I'm putting the IUIs on hold, there is absolutely no urgency, so why freak him out???
I'm not exactly thrilled about keeping this information from Ted, since it's such a huge part of my life. But at the same time, I have to weigh my desire for total truth with what I think he could handle. And I'm not sure this is a bombshell topic that should be discussed just yet. I'd rather hold a few cards close to my chest right now than risk him running away for good. So yeah, mum's the word on becoming a mum. For now at least.
I will say I feel like having multiple options makes me feel a bit less stressed in the sense that I've got a back-up plan, regardless of what happens. I would love for the relationship with Ted to work out and that we get married, have babies and live happily ever after. But if that's not in the cards for whatever reason, at least I know that I'm still pursuing goals that are near and dear to my heart. I am not putting all my eggs (so to speak) in one basket with Ted and that does ease the pressure a bit.
Hopefully everything works out perfectly for me this year because after all, that's what we all want. Regardless, it's going to be quite a wild ride what with all the insane change I've got going on in my life right now. Should be an interesting year to say the least.
Well so a week after I leave my job, I receive the first email from Ted, the blast from my past boyfriend from my senior year in college. Although incredibly unexpected, that didn't change my plans of course because what's an email? Just a "hello" from someone I hadn't heard from in many many years.
But then that email turned into many more emails. And those emails turned into phone calls, which turned into a visit which turned into another planned visit. I will fly down to see Ted on Thursday in just three short days and we'll spend four days together. I figure that will be enough time to see if this relationship has any legs to it and we'll decide what the future holds for us, if anything, at that point. If Ted and I decide this weekend that we want to move forward with a relationship, this could change a few things.
I've already decided that while I'm considering a relationship with Ted, that I'm going to put the IUI treatments on hold for now. It's just too much for the beginning of a relationship and I really don't want to sabotage anything. It's a tough decision because I know that I don't have a ton of time left to get pregnant (if I can even still get pregnant) but I just don't think I could have that big a secret from him right now. It's just too much too soon. So i made the decision to put the IUI's on hold.
I am still attending the foster parent training classes but since the adoption process is so long and drawn out, i really feel like that I can continue with this option without it impacting my relationship, at this point. I have the benefit of time with this option and I definitely will take full advantage of it. I have three classes left, then move onto the home study, which will take a few months. And only after that will I begin to look at kids that I could adopt. That said, I've got until October before I have to make any sort of decisions on which way my life will go and hopefully I will know what the relationship holds for me by then. I'm really sure that it will all become quite clear by then so I'm not worried.
I did decide that I'm going to hold off on telling Ted what I'm looking into, just because I don't think it's necessary to scare the bejeezus out of the guy at this stage of the relationship. Nothing's been set in stone and since I'm putting the IUIs on hold, there is absolutely no urgency, so why freak him out???
I'm not exactly thrilled about keeping this information from Ted, since it's such a huge part of my life. But at the same time, I have to weigh my desire for total truth with what I think he could handle. And I'm not sure this is a bombshell topic that should be discussed just yet. I'd rather hold a few cards close to my chest right now than risk him running away for good. So yeah, mum's the word on becoming a mum. For now at least.
I will say I feel like having multiple options makes me feel a bit less stressed in the sense that I've got a back-up plan, regardless of what happens. I would love for the relationship with Ted to work out and that we get married, have babies and live happily ever after. But if that's not in the cards for whatever reason, at least I know that I'm still pursuing goals that are near and dear to my heart. I am not putting all my eggs (so to speak) in one basket with Ted and that does ease the pressure a bit.
Hopefully everything works out perfectly for me this year because after all, that's what we all want. Regardless, it's going to be quite a wild ride what with all the insane change I've got going on in my life right now. Should be an interesting year to say the least.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Bring on the men!
Sigh...I really miss having a boyfriend. I really, really do. Actually it's been quite some time since I've had a "real" long-term relationship and I seriously hope that my Mr. Right is coming in the forseeable future. I just really love being in a relationship and I love men. I love the feel of a guy, the way he smells when he first gets out of the shower and of course all the "benefits" of having a boyfriend too (wink wink, you know what I mean, right?)
Of course, having no permanent man in my life is the main reason I've decided to have a child on my own and I've made my peace with that for now. However, that doesn't mean I want to stop dating and join a nunnery or anything like that. Heck no! Bring on the men! I'm still hoping for that long sought for "happily ever after" even if it's coming slightly out of order.
I've dated a little here and there and hope that eventually, one of these dates will turn into something more long term. That said though, now I've got a new quandary, which is, when do I tell a guy I'm dating that I am pursuing motherhood and guess what, the kid won't be yours?
According to friends, this is a very real possibility and could have a very happy ending too. My good friend Amy became a single parent last year and she told me that when she was pregnant, she had no problem meeting guys. She even became engaged to one, although she ended up breaking things off before they got married.
My friend Beth told me of another friend who met a guy when she was pregnant and he wanted to marry her as well. So clearly it can happen and it's something to think about for sure.
It's such a balancing act because I want to be honest with my dates but also don't want to put too much pressure on a potential relationship at the same time. The problem is, guys freak out SO easily and the last thing I want is to send some poor sap running for the hills by even casually mentioning babies or egads, biological clocks. Bring up the words "The Future" and the next thing you know, you'll be sitting alone in a restaurant wondering what that breeze was you just felt across the back of your neck (it was the whooshing of the door slamming shut as your date went running out onto the street, by the way).
I am not actively pursuing a relationship because I'm trying not to complicate my life too much right now. But then again, a relationship sure would feel good and I can't exactly turn down any potential opportunities now can I? What if Mr. Right walks through the door right now? Wouldn't I have to at least try to make a go of it? I'd be a fool not to, ireally.
So right now, I'm chatting with a few guys on a dating website, hanging out with friends at sporting events and even hooking up via Facebook. Last month, my boyfriend from my senior year of college friend requested me out of the blue and it's been wonderful reconnecting with him, after all these years. He lives about 400 miles away and is still reeling from the aftermath of a painful divorce but hey, if I take things slowly with him, who knows what could happen right?
My long lost friend (we'll call him Ted) has told me that he's not looking for anything serious right now and we haven't even seen each other in person yet so there's certainly no urgency at this point. But I'm really enjoying the conversations and there has been talk about a get-together so if all this moves forward, I may need to tell him by Big Secret.
And who knows...maybe he'll take it well (should I cue laughter here??)
Then again, I know I need to be realistic here. Ted appears to be in full-blown mid-life crisis mode after ending a 10+ year marriage and is clearly trying to relive the good old days while battling through some not so good emotions right now. I do wonder if contacting me out of the blue is more a symptom of his current situation than any sort of Divine Intervention so I'm trying not to get too dreamy about it all.
I will say that Ted and I really did have some amazing times together and hearing from him is reminding me what a sweet, loving, innocent relationship we had back in the day. Aaah the good old days.
We had met during spring break in the Bahamas and hit it off right away, in only that way that innocent kids with stars in their eyes can form an instant connection. We only had a few days together on that trip but he promised to call me when he got back to his school, which was about three hours away from my school and across a fairly large southern state. He called right after I got back and soon thereafter, we picked up where we had left off on those sandy Bahaman beaches. Initially, we spent hours talking on the phone to each other (to the point where he had to ask his mother for help paying his skyrocketing phone bills) but soon we moved onto alternating visits to each other's campuses, with me usually bringing a girlfriend (or two along) for the ride and with him showing up on my doorstep generally on his own.
We had a great spring and summer together, enjoying springtime parties, festive graduations, and week-long vacations together visiting his family on the beaches of Florida and mine in the suburbs of New England. We were just starting to figure out what we wanted to do with our lives and it was an exciting time indeed, made even more exciting by the fact that we were so happy and in love.
That all changed one day early in the autumn of our new grown-up lives though. We realized that with impending adulthood came some really scary next steps and we started thinking that if we were going to continue dating, that one day down the road, we'd have to (gulp) probably get married. At the age of 22, when you've just barely started your first "grown up" job (for me) and are still trying to figure out what that first job should be (for him) it was a terrifying thought and neither one of us was mature enough to really handle it.
It all came to a head one evening when Ted called me to tell me he was moving to Montana to find himself and that he wanted to break up for now. I was like, um...what??? I certainly didn't see that one coming! I thought we were in love! I thought we were going to live happily ever after! What on earth was he doing now??? Why was he ruining everything?!
After I recovered from the shock that had sent me into a stunned silence for a few moments, we talked about it for a while.
Of course one of the first questions I had for him was, "why is this the first I'm hearing of this?"
His response to me was, "I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd talk me out of my decision and I didn't want you to talk me out of it".
Well hey, with a response like that, exactly what have I got left to say to him? So I just said, "okay, well, you clearly have made your decision so the best I can do is wish you the best and just say good-bye", which I did. And with that, Ted moved away and out of my life.
I received quite a few letters from Ted over the coming months, telling me all about his new life thousands of miles away from everything that we knew and that he missed me dearly every day. In each letter, he asked me to write him back and I did...long letters where I told him how mad I was at him for leaving and how hurt I was that he deserted me. The letters were pages long and I never mailed them. I used those letters as therapy and with each letter I wrote, I healed a little bit more.
Over the next year or so, the letters tapered off and I moved on with my life as a post-college, career-minded single gal, pretty much forgetting all about the boyfriend who had left me behind all those moons ago. I made new friends, advanced in my career, dated a plethora of guys and just enjoyed life in my 20s. It was a good time.
Ted did make an appearance when I was about 24 years old once, coming to town to visit his mom who was living in the same city as I was at that time. We went out to dinner one night and he came out to a party with a friend of mine on another night. But for me the magic was long since gone by that point and he was still living in the wilds of Montana so I said, "why bother" and pretty much put him out of my mind soon after saying good bye to him one evening. I assume he did to then because I never heard from Ted again...until a few weeks ago that is.
Apparently Ted had gone to grad school, gotten married by age 30 and then divorced in his early 40s. He and his wife did not have children but they did have a home and a dog that the ex-wife got custody of in the divorce. Then he contacted me and that's where we are now.
Like I said, it's great hearing from Ted and I wonder if there's any chance that this relationship could finally be the right guy at the right time. Then again, I wonder if it's actually just time to let that ship finally sail, for good. Many of his emails to me detail the party he went to the night before and how he's focusing on "easy" tasks at work to get through the day with his remaining brain cells intact. Ted's clearly become a bit of a partier in his 40s. Plus, he was supposed to call me last Thursday night but didn't because he had fallen asleep at 9:30 (trying to recover from a late-night party the evening before) and he hasn't called since so we're certainly not becoming a hot and heavy couple any time soon. Meanwhile, I'm adding more responsibility to my life by trying to become a mom so I don't know if I even want this kind of a guy.
I think the answer to that is, I don't want the guy as he is right now, long term. However I do wonder if this is just a phase he's going through and if he will eventually snap out of it and be the partner I'd like him to be. To that all I can say is...we'll see how this plays out I guess.
Of course another question to ask is, "Why on earth do I even want to bother with this guy?" Yes, he's living la mid-life crisis vida loca right now, doesn't call, parties a LOT and he lives 450 miles away. Why bother?
Okay ladies, let's face it. Decent guys in their 40s are few and far between and today we need to make some concessions we might not have been willing to make in the past. Five years ago, I didn't want to go out with a guy who lived in the next area code over, let alone eight states away. Now I find myself making concessions I never would have made in the past, hoping that the guy will eventually step up to become The Man I want him to be.
That said, I know that I am bringing not only myself to this relationship but also my future child so I can only make so many concessions for so long. At some point I am going to have to look out for the best interest of my kid and then decide if the guy's the right guy for me AND for my child.
But right now this is all in its introductory stages and I don't need to be making any decisions any time soon. Right now, I just want to see how this plays out and that's what I'm going to do. For one time in my life, I'm going to play this easy-breezy and see what happens.
Of course, having no permanent man in my life is the main reason I've decided to have a child on my own and I've made my peace with that for now. However, that doesn't mean I want to stop dating and join a nunnery or anything like that. Heck no! Bring on the men! I'm still hoping for that long sought for "happily ever after" even if it's coming slightly out of order.
I've dated a little here and there and hope that eventually, one of these dates will turn into something more long term. That said though, now I've got a new quandary, which is, when do I tell a guy I'm dating that I am pursuing motherhood and guess what, the kid won't be yours?
According to friends, this is a very real possibility and could have a very happy ending too. My good friend Amy became a single parent last year and she told me that when she was pregnant, she had no problem meeting guys. She even became engaged to one, although she ended up breaking things off before they got married.
My friend Beth told me of another friend who met a guy when she was pregnant and he wanted to marry her as well. So clearly it can happen and it's something to think about for sure.
It's such a balancing act because I want to be honest with my dates but also don't want to put too much pressure on a potential relationship at the same time. The problem is, guys freak out SO easily and the last thing I want is to send some poor sap running for the hills by even casually mentioning babies or egads, biological clocks. Bring up the words "The Future" and the next thing you know, you'll be sitting alone in a restaurant wondering what that breeze was you just felt across the back of your neck (it was the whooshing of the door slamming shut as your date went running out onto the street, by the way).
I am not actively pursuing a relationship because I'm trying not to complicate my life too much right now. But then again, a relationship sure would feel good and I can't exactly turn down any potential opportunities now can I? What if Mr. Right walks through the door right now? Wouldn't I have to at least try to make a go of it? I'd be a fool not to, ireally.
So right now, I'm chatting with a few guys on a dating website, hanging out with friends at sporting events and even hooking up via Facebook. Last month, my boyfriend from my senior year of college friend requested me out of the blue and it's been wonderful reconnecting with him, after all these years. He lives about 400 miles away and is still reeling from the aftermath of a painful divorce but hey, if I take things slowly with him, who knows what could happen right?
My long lost friend (we'll call him Ted) has told me that he's not looking for anything serious right now and we haven't even seen each other in person yet so there's certainly no urgency at this point. But I'm really enjoying the conversations and there has been talk about a get-together so if all this moves forward, I may need to tell him by Big Secret.
And who knows...maybe he'll take it well (should I cue laughter here??)
Then again, I know I need to be realistic here. Ted appears to be in full-blown mid-life crisis mode after ending a 10+ year marriage and is clearly trying to relive the good old days while battling through some not so good emotions right now. I do wonder if contacting me out of the blue is more a symptom of his current situation than any sort of Divine Intervention so I'm trying not to get too dreamy about it all.
I will say that Ted and I really did have some amazing times together and hearing from him is reminding me what a sweet, loving, innocent relationship we had back in the day. Aaah the good old days.
We had met during spring break in the Bahamas and hit it off right away, in only that way that innocent kids with stars in their eyes can form an instant connection. We only had a few days together on that trip but he promised to call me when he got back to his school, which was about three hours away from my school and across a fairly large southern state. He called right after I got back and soon thereafter, we picked up where we had left off on those sandy Bahaman beaches. Initially, we spent hours talking on the phone to each other (to the point where he had to ask his mother for help paying his skyrocketing phone bills) but soon we moved onto alternating visits to each other's campuses, with me usually bringing a girlfriend (or two along) for the ride and with him showing up on my doorstep generally on his own.
We had a great spring and summer together, enjoying springtime parties, festive graduations, and week-long vacations together visiting his family on the beaches of Florida and mine in the suburbs of New England. We were just starting to figure out what we wanted to do with our lives and it was an exciting time indeed, made even more exciting by the fact that we were so happy and in love.
That all changed one day early in the autumn of our new grown-up lives though. We realized that with impending adulthood came some really scary next steps and we started thinking that if we were going to continue dating, that one day down the road, we'd have to (gulp) probably get married. At the age of 22, when you've just barely started your first "grown up" job (for me) and are still trying to figure out what that first job should be (for him) it was a terrifying thought and neither one of us was mature enough to really handle it.
It all came to a head one evening when Ted called me to tell me he was moving to Montana to find himself and that he wanted to break up for now. I was like, um...what??? I certainly didn't see that one coming! I thought we were in love! I thought we were going to live happily ever after! What on earth was he doing now??? Why was he ruining everything?!
After I recovered from the shock that had sent me into a stunned silence for a few moments, we talked about it for a while.
Of course one of the first questions I had for him was, "why is this the first I'm hearing of this?"
His response to me was, "I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd talk me out of my decision and I didn't want you to talk me out of it".
Well hey, with a response like that, exactly what have I got left to say to him? So I just said, "okay, well, you clearly have made your decision so the best I can do is wish you the best and just say good-bye", which I did. And with that, Ted moved away and out of my life.
I received quite a few letters from Ted over the coming months, telling me all about his new life thousands of miles away from everything that we knew and that he missed me dearly every day. In each letter, he asked me to write him back and I did...long letters where I told him how mad I was at him for leaving and how hurt I was that he deserted me. The letters were pages long and I never mailed them. I used those letters as therapy and with each letter I wrote, I healed a little bit more.
Over the next year or so, the letters tapered off and I moved on with my life as a post-college, career-minded single gal, pretty much forgetting all about the boyfriend who had left me behind all those moons ago. I made new friends, advanced in my career, dated a plethora of guys and just enjoyed life in my 20s. It was a good time.
Ted did make an appearance when I was about 24 years old once, coming to town to visit his mom who was living in the same city as I was at that time. We went out to dinner one night and he came out to a party with a friend of mine on another night. But for me the magic was long since gone by that point and he was still living in the wilds of Montana so I said, "why bother" and pretty much put him out of my mind soon after saying good bye to him one evening. I assume he did to then because I never heard from Ted again...until a few weeks ago that is.
Apparently Ted had gone to grad school, gotten married by age 30 and then divorced in his early 40s. He and his wife did not have children but they did have a home and a dog that the ex-wife got custody of in the divorce. Then he contacted me and that's where we are now.
Like I said, it's great hearing from Ted and I wonder if there's any chance that this relationship could finally be the right guy at the right time. Then again, I wonder if it's actually just time to let that ship finally sail, for good. Many of his emails to me detail the party he went to the night before and how he's focusing on "easy" tasks at work to get through the day with his remaining brain cells intact. Ted's clearly become a bit of a partier in his 40s. Plus, he was supposed to call me last Thursday night but didn't because he had fallen asleep at 9:30 (trying to recover from a late-night party the evening before) and he hasn't called since so we're certainly not becoming a hot and heavy couple any time soon. Meanwhile, I'm adding more responsibility to my life by trying to become a mom so I don't know if I even want this kind of a guy.
I think the answer to that is, I don't want the guy as he is right now, long term. However I do wonder if this is just a phase he's going through and if he will eventually snap out of it and be the partner I'd like him to be. To that all I can say is...we'll see how this plays out I guess.
Of course another question to ask is, "Why on earth do I even want to bother with this guy?" Yes, he's living la mid-life crisis vida loca right now, doesn't call, parties a LOT and he lives 450 miles away. Why bother?
Okay ladies, let's face it. Decent guys in their 40s are few and far between and today we need to make some concessions we might not have been willing to make in the past. Five years ago, I didn't want to go out with a guy who lived in the next area code over, let alone eight states away. Now I find myself making concessions I never would have made in the past, hoping that the guy will eventually step up to become The Man I want him to be.
That said, I know that I am bringing not only myself to this relationship but also my future child so I can only make so many concessions for so long. At some point I am going to have to look out for the best interest of my kid and then decide if the guy's the right guy for me AND for my child.
But right now this is all in its introductory stages and I don't need to be making any decisions any time soon. Right now, I just want to see how this plays out and that's what I'm going to do. For one time in my life, I'm going to play this easy-breezy and see what happens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)