Taking a Big Leap

I just took one great big step towards motherhood and I'm REALLY excited about it!

Yesterday morning, a social worker from a local private agency came by to meet me, introduce me to the program and to do a basic overall assessment of the house. She wanted to make sure that the house was safe and had heat, electricity and running water, you know all the basics of modern living. (Good thing she didn't come by two days ago when there was a water main leak outside and the city shut off our water to fix it though!)

So of course before she came, I spent two crazed days cleaning the place top to bottom, finishing up those niggly little tasks that get blown off because you just can't be bothered and clearing out all the extra stuff that I realized I really didn't need after all. When I was done, I was thrilled because my spare bedroom actually looked like a bedroom, not a landfill where old useless boxes of stuff had gone to die. My piles of paperwork had all been neatly filed away and the house was so clean, you could even eat off the kitchen floor (which the cat regularly does, by the way). I felt quite the sense of accomplishment.

So here I am completely thrilled that I have this clean and organized house...only to meet with the social worker who, with only a few checks off on her photocopied safety sheet, creates a brand new Mommy To Be To Do List of home projects for me. This totally figures.

What happened here?? Well, although my house is safe for the average adult, it's not even remotely child-proof, which really shouldn't be surprising, considering I've never had a child before so this is all virgin territory for me. So yes, in the 10-minute span that Ms. Social Worker worker walked through my 900-square-foot home with her checklist, I had a brand host of tasks added to my To Do List: add screens to all my windows, plug all the electrical outlets, install child-proof latches on all my cabinets and replace the open shelving in my hallway that stores all my bath and beauty products with a cabinet that has secured doors. I also need to buy both a bed and a crib (a pack and play will do for starters) and any other kid-related furniture as well. And this is all just to pass the next safety assessment. That doesn't obviously include all the clothes, gear and toys that a child will need once he or she comes to live with me, which is all extra. Yikes...this is all getting a bit scary. And expensive!

Well, all I can say to that is...it's probably a good thing that I don't have a job right now because this is all going to take some serious time! Not to mention money, so it's also a good thing that my former job is paying my bills for the foreseeable future. Thank the Universe for small miracles there.

Madame Social Worker did tell me that I had a really nice condo and she thought my second spare bedroom would make for a perfect nursery. While we stood in there, I told her all my plans to decorate and I think she became just as excited as I was as I set the scene. I said, "picture this...mint green walls with big purple elephants dancing across them and white curtains for the windows." I swept my arms to the left and to the right as I described the vision I had for a baby changer here and a rocking chair over there. Lady Social Worker nodded her head as I described the valance and curtains that would cover the windows and the closet-full of baby clothes I would hopefully soon have as well. It was quite an image and I do think Ms. Social Worker was seeing it along with me, which of course is pretty great.

In addition to showing off my awesome house with pictured scenes of what it would look like when I had kids here, I also made sure that Madame Social Worker knew that have one other pretty awesome thing going for me as a prospective Parent in the Foster System: I don't need daycare. I don't need to spend extra money to have some stranger watch my kids and I get to spend more time with them to help get them settled in as well. Madame Social Worker definitely agreed that this was a major benefit too.

So between my "setting the scene" and sharing the pro's of ME, I am hoping that this puts the little bug in her head to think of me when there's a baby available. Ultimately, I would really like to parent a baby, starting as early in the development process as possible. I've always wanted a biological baby but if that isn't meant to be then at least I should be able to adopt one. Seems only fair!

That is of course, if a baby becomes available. In speaking to my lovely social worker, I learned that the entire adoption process, from start to finish, could be complete as soon as the end of the year but more than likely, would be complete by next March, provided I am not too limiting in my options. Babies could obviously take longer to find but I could shorten the process if I'm willing to take multiple siblings, which is definitely an option. I have two spare bedrooms so the state would be happy to bless me with a sibling group.

Madame Social Worker did mention that the entire process could be shorter for me since I don't have a partner that needs to be included. So I guess there's one benefit of being single right there.

So the next step for me now is parenting classes and I will begin that six-week program next Tuesday. After that, I move onto the Home Study and then into full on search mode. The social worker said that it could take anywhere from a few months to a year to be placed with a child but that the parents who see earlier success are often the ones who make more of an effort themselves. She said that waiting for the agency to bring children to me would draw the process out and I assured her that I would be as proactive as possible.

Once I've been placed with a child, I will start to have visits with him or her. This is to make sure that it's a good fit for both of us and I should really use that time to make sure this is feeling right for me. I will say that this is one great benefit of adoption through foster care over international adoption. With an international adoption, you get what you get and hope for the best but with foster care adoption, you can back out at any time in the process so it's definitely a lot less scary. (That incident where the Tennessee woman sent her adopted son back to Russia with a note attached to him because she couldn't deal anymore, comes to mind here.)

After that, if both the child and I decide this is a good fit, we will move forward and within a few months, hopefully the child will be mine, both legally and emotionally. This is pretty great because I told myself that I was going to become a mom in the next year and it does look like, barring any unforeseen problems, that this goal is FINALLY within reach. I couldn't be more thrilled!

So yes, next stop parenting classes. I will be sure to let you know how my first class goes once I've made it through and I am so excited to finally feel like I'm moving forward in my goal. It feels like it's taken WAY too long. But finally...forward movement and it feels GREAT!